Can I be honest? I was kind of dreading getting back to the farm today. I missed my flock and my dogs and even my bed, but the lack of electricity and company were daunting. (Paige is in California visiting her father this week.) I not in the mood for roughing it in my own home.

But once I pulled into the driveway I felt my equilibrium was restored. The farm looked absolutely beautiful and it was so quiet and peaceful.

We have a few trees down.

Our driveway still hasn’t been plowed, so I had to park by the road.

Of course, my first stop was the barn to check on the lambs and kids. Dimples was modeling some serious hay-head.

The dogs were super-happy to see me.

We brought the little lambs into the barn during the storm. They don’t have as much body fat as the big sheep and they were looking a little miserable.

They were happy to see me too,

but only because I had a pocket full of animal crackers.

I love the chicken footprints in the snow.

The snow hasn’t stopped the hens from laying.

Alabama (right) is now officially bigger than his mama, Daisy (left).

It was so great to be home that not having electricity or running water didn’t seem like such a big deal. Which is good, because it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting power back tonight. And tomorrow? More snow!

So, we are getting between 26-40 inches of snow if the next two days. Yes, you read that right. Up to four flippin’ feet of snow. Enough already with the snow.

Yesterday, Paige and I took Lucy for her last post-accident check-up with Dr. Johnson.

Paige trying to get Lucy into the car.

Lucy loves everyone at Fork Union Animal Clinic; she just hates riding in the car to get there! Maremmas get very, very car sick. In spite of skipping breakfast, Lucy managed to throw up in the way back of my station wagon.

You’ll be happy to hear that Miss Lu is, according to our vet, 100% gorgeous and amazing. The tenderness on her abdomen is gone, so we can finally take her off the NSAIDs that replaced the steroids she had been taking. Her lungs and heart sound perfect. In short, Lucy is healed.

Lucy celebrated her clean bill of health by playing with Sabine in the snow, her favorite past time.

Sabine is such a good girl. She’s just good-natured and so very patient with Lucy. She also appears to need her nails trimmed.

And Cini? Cini is the hardest working dog in show biz. He always protects his flock, even the jerks like Roquefort.

This picture totally reminds me of the beginning of America’s Next Top Model.

I woke up to three inches of snow this morning. We could get as many as 12 inches, but I’m skeptical.

Paige is off this weekend so it was just me and flock.

Amazingly, our flock is still grazing on pasture, but not today. I couldn’t get the hay to them fast enough this morning.

Ernie looks like the Abominable Snowman.

We’ve been putting Sabine in the small paddock with Lucy during the day to stave off the depression Lucy was starting to suffer. The two of them play for hours and you would never know that Lucy nearly died a little over a week ago. It is so good for my spirit to see them together.

First, the Lucy report. Paige and I took Lucy to see Dr. Johnson this morning for a post-accident check-up. Dr. J was thrilled with Lucy’s progress! She said that Lucy’s heart and lung “sound gorgeous” and she seems to be healing really well. She’s keeping Lulu on NSAIDs and pain killers for another week and wants us to keep her in the small barnyard paddock for at least another week. Lucy, of course, wants to get back to work in the big pastures, but better safe than sorry. We’ll have another follow-up visit next week.

As far as damage to her reproductive system, it’s just too soon to tell. They would like to do an ultrasound in a few months once the swelling goes down and she grows a bit. Fingers crossed.

Lucy and Dr. Dawn Johnson

Everyone at the Fork Union Animal Clinic loved Lucy even before the accident- we had been in a week before for puppy shots and her four feet never touched the ground- so when Paige brought her in after she was hit, the whole staff dropped what they were doing and came running. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to these amazing people.

BTW,when I told Dr. Johnson about all the contributions we received from readers and shareholders, she totally teared up.

In other news, I have just listed some new colorways in the shop, as well as some spinning fibers. As always, supplies are limited.

Finally, I am thrilled to announce that the Juniper Moon Farm Spring 2010 Shearing Day Celebration will take place on April 24th, 11 a.m. to Dark, at the farm in Palmyra, Virginia.

Like last year, the event will be potluck. We’ll provide the dinnerware, silverware, etc., drinks and the marshmallows (and peeps!) for roasting. Like last year we hope to have plenty of demos going on. Several shareholders and readers will be bringing their musical instruments to play around the fire and you are encouraged to do the same.

More details here as the day comes together.

-Lucy continues to improve and her breathing is getting stronger, less labored each day. She’s still on heavy meds and will be seeing the vet again on Tuesday. I’ll be home by then to take her myself and I have lots of questions for the Doc.

- Paige and I are are working on personal thank you notes for everyone who contributed to Lucy’s vet bills. I would have them done by now but for my guests! Please know that the delay in getting them out doesn’t accurately reflect our gratitude.

-The Fort Worth Meet-Up yesterday was a lot fun- lots of pics coming in the next post. Thanks to everyone who came! We’ll definitely be doing this again next year- I’ll post the dates way in advance so more of you can make it.

- She’s wanting to be hand-fed, but if you put some food on the floor – she’ll eat out of her bowl by herself.

- She’s wanting to jump up on the side of the pen when she’s feeling energetic — which we’re trying to get her not to do, but it also shows that she’s feeling pretty strong.

-She’s getting bored and crying even when Paige and Erin are within her sights.

- After she takes the pain meds she mellows out about 45 mins later — but at the same time she can’t take any until 7:50 – and right now she’s napping. I think she just keeps gettting bored into napping.

First of all, THANK YOU!!! All of you for your prayers, positive thoughts, kind words and contributions to Lucy’s vet bill fund. I will post much more on this later, but I didn’t want to let another moment go by without expressing my gratitude to every single one of you. The last 24 hours have been horrible, but less so because of you.

Erin and Paige took Lucy to the vet today and they were very pleased with her progress. Her breathing is still labored and her lungs bruised but the doctor was optimistic about her recovery. They were especially inpressed with how well Lucy is walking. The only concern now is that she has been on steroids to bring the swelling down since the accident so the vet is unsure of how injured she really is. Once the steroids wear off (in ten hours or so) they will have a better idea of how difficult it will be for her to breath.

The vet has instructed us to continue to confine Lucy to a crate for at least five more days to keep her from causing herself further injury and to bring her back in at the first sign of distress or in a few days even if she seems fine. She isn’t out of the woods yet but things look pretty good right now.

Several people have asked how the accident happened. We really don’t know for sure as Paige and Erin were both out when she was hit. The neighbor next door witnessed the accident and ran outside to try help Lucy, but wouldn’t let the neighbor get close. The puppy ran to the back of our property. The neighbor left a note on my car explaining that Lucy had been hit which Paige found when she returned home from the post office. Paige immediately scooped Lucy up and headed to the vet’s office, where Erin met her shortly.

Lucy has never even come close to escaping the fence near the front of the property and we are all baffled by what drew her there. She will occasionally climb through the fence to follow one of us, but we’ve been working very hard to break her of this habit and she seemed to understand that she was expected to stay with her flock. I don’t know if she was chasing something- an animals or whatever- but we clearly need to do more to prevent this happing again and today, Paige and Erin set up perma net fencing around the pasture Lucy and Sabine are in.

When I’m asked to give talks to farmers about blogging and social networking as a form of marketing I always tell the attendees not to focus on the negative. “People don’t want to read about the bad stuff,” I tell them. Be positive. Talk about the good stuff. People want to read about your successes, not your failures.

And as a rule, I’ve always tried to follow that advice on this blog. But tonight I find myself longing to write the unvarnished truth. To show you all the other side of farming.

Like everyone else, my business has been damaged by the bad economy. People aren’t spending money the way they did two years ago or even in the first quarter of last year. It’s not surprising at all; yarn is a luxury product and luxuries are the first thing that goes in an economic downturn.

The farm was hit hard but not as hard as some people and I have been grateful to be able to carry on, grateful to be able to farm full-time and still make ends meet. But not an hour has gone by since I started this business that I didn’t worry about money. Probably not even a minute.

My farm was under-capitalized from the start, as most farms are, and even in the best of times I was carrying a large debt load, as most farms are. But several things happened in the last six months that made things even more precarious than usual. First, extricating myself from an unhealthy and unsustainable situation and the move that followed wiped out my savings. The move was absolutely necessary and I have never second-guessed the decision, but it was a big blow to my balance sheet.

Once we moved it took longer to get the shop back up and running than we anticipated. There were several mistakes made during the shipping of the Spring shares that cost me a small fortune. They were honest mistakes and I wasn’t angry with anyone, but it really hurt. The holidays weren’t as good as we expected but probably could have been worse. January is always a terrible for sales and this year was no exception.

I was living very close to the edge but there didn’t seem to be any alternative. Perseverance has always been my strong suit and I knew that if I could just hold on, just work harder and juggle my bills and watch every single penny, we’d be okay until things picked up. Unless something terrible happened.

For some reason, in my worst moments, I thought the something terrible would come in the form of my getting sick. I haven’t had health insurance since we moved and I just can’t afford it right now. So I worry that I’ll be diagnosed with some terrible illness that will wipe me out completely. In the past few weeks I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, my heart beating loud and hard, after dreaming my appendix burst or I found a lump in my breast.

So when the something terrible finally did happen today, it didn’t come as a huge surprise. I was checking my bank balance- as I do hourly these days- and saw a huge debit from the vet’s office where I took Lucy last week. My first thought was that they had made a billing mistake, charging me more than 5 times what I should have paid for an office visit plus a round of vaccinations. But it made me nervous enough to call the farm to make sure everything was okay.

When no one answered I called the vet’s office to ask about the charge. “Are you calling about Lucy?” the receptionist asked, “She was hit by a car.” The next few minutes were torture while I waited for a vet to come to the phone. Finally the receptionist came back on the line to tell me that the vet was unable to talk to me but that Paige and Erin had brought Lucy in. She was alive and needed specialized treatment, so they had stabilized her and sent the girls and Lucy to another animal hospital.

I hung up and called Erin’s phone. No answer. Same when I dialed Paige. I texted Erin asking her to call me immediately. The next twenty minutes were interminable. Finally, Erin called from the second vet’s office to tell me that Lucy was doing okay, but the x-rays had shown bruising on her lungs and she was having some difficulty breathing. The vet came on the phone and walked me through Lucy’s condition, said they wanted to keep her on oxygen for the next two to five days and transferred me to the front desk where the receptionist asked me for a credit card number. The vet’s best estimate put the charges between $4200 and $6000. Lucy had already wracked up nearly a thousand dollars in charges in the 20 minutes she’d been there. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t even think when the receptionist said the numbers. Finally I told her I’d have to call her back.

I spent the next few minutes doing the most horrible, hateful math I’ve ever done. Before I even knew she’s been hit, the vet bills incurred at the two offices had already cleaned out my bank account. I just flat out didn’t have the money. I called the vet back and asked her what my options were. And I have to say, she was just awful about it. “Can’t you put it on a credit car?” she asked. No, my credit cards are maxed out. In the end, she said that the next 24 hours will be critical. Erin and Paige were to watch Lucy and bring her back to the vet tomorrow for another check.

Lucy is home now. She doesn’t seem to be in much pain but her breathing is labored and we don’t know if she’s going to make it. The next couple of days will be very telling.

As far as my financial situation is concerned, the next few weeks will be very telling. All my cash reserves are gone. Unlike many farmers, I don’t have a spouse’s income or benefits to fall back on. I’m almost surely going to have to go back to work full-time until things turn around. It stinks, especially since I haven’t taken a salary in months, but I’m out of options.

Most days my blog is full of funny stories and pretty pictures of animals. I get a dozens of emails a week from readers who know all our animals by name and who tell me I’m living their dream. And, you know what? I’m living my dream, too. But this is the other side of farming. The scary, ugly reality that most farmers live with. Farmers live in a world were a bad crop, bad storm, bad break can mean financial ruin.

No one is entitled to the life they want. I know that. But I’ve been lucky enough to spend the last two years in my dream job. Building my flock, watching lambs come into the world, living and working with my dogs. All of those moments were precious gifts. And even if I lose it all tomorrow, I wouldn’t change one moment of it.

If you are the praying kind, please pray for our Sweet Lucy. I’ll keep you apprised of her condition.

LATEST NEWS ON LUCY’C CONDITION: Lucy made it through the night but her breathing is still labored. Erin is waiting for the vet’s office to open so she can get her back in to be seen by a vet.

EDITED TO ADD: Thank you to everyone who made a donation to help cover Lucy’s vet bills. You all have been so generous and we can now cover the cost of all the medical care the puppy will need.

I couldn’t decide which of these I liked better…

so you get them both.

Then

Now