The other day, when I found out about Lucy’s accident, I was actually fixin’ to head out the door to drive to Dallas and meet my friend Becky for dinner. I seriously considered calling to cancel, but I didn’t for a couple of reasons. I couldn’t get my head around how to cancel and going just seemed easier. But mostly, Becky is my oldest and dearest friend and I knew that seeing her would make me feel better.
Becky and her husband Ralph, who is just the kindest, most darling man who ever walked the earth.
I don’t have the space or time or words to adequately describe my friend Becky here. She is brilliant (she’s a lawyer and clerked for Supreme Court Chief Justice William Burger after law school) but she’s also very wise. She’s one of those beautiful women who gets even more beautiful as she ages. She is passionate about everything and funny and fun. And she is the most empathetic, compassionate person I’ve ever know.
Oh, and when she talks she has the ENTIRE state of Louisiana in her voice.
I’ve known Becky for nearly 20 years and she has always- ALWAYS- been there for me. She was exactly the person I wanted to see when I didn’t know if my dog was going to live or die and I felt like the whole world was falling down around my ears.
We met for sushi and I poured my heart out to her, holding back tears. I told her about Lucy and about my financial crisis and that I didn’t know how I could possibly carry on. Becky listened to me (she’s great at that) and then she ask me why I hadn’t written about any of this on the blog.
“Because,” I sobbed, “my readers think I’m courageous and brave. They have no idea that I make mistakes, doubt my own judgement and beat myself up all the time. They don’t know that I sometimes think about giving up or wish someone would come along and rescue me from all this. They think I’m great.”
And then Becky did something that would have ENRAGED me coming from anyone else in the world. She laughed. Loudly. At me. And at the ridiculous things I was saying.
She then very gently pointed out to me that none of my readers could possibly believe that I am perfect and that that’s not why they read my blog in the first place. And she encouraged me to go home and write about Lucy and all the pressures we’ve been under and how I was really feeling. “People will help you if you let them, ” she said. “And they won’t stop loving you just because you’re human.”
And she was right. The outpouring of love and support we received from all of you after I wrote about the troubles I been going through has been just amazing. I got emails that I will treasure for the rest of my life. I also received enough donations to get Lucy the care she needed.
The other thing Becky did was tell me that it’s time to stop feeling sorry for myself and work my way out of this situation. And that was exactly what I needed to hear. My dear friends Charlie and Kris said something similar last weekend. And you know what? They were right. Sometimes you need the people who love you to kick your ass, you know?
Some how, the very worst thing that could happen has turned into the very best thing. I am reinvigorated and ready to do whatever it takes to keep my flock happy and healthy and to get things back on track.
And to you, my dear, loyal, supportive readers, I make this promise. You will no longer get a sanitized, dolled-up, fairy tale version of farm life when you come here. I am going to try hard to show you all the sides of this life I am building. And I hope you will enjoy it even more knowing that I’m keeping it real.
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AMEN!!! You know how to write about the bad w/o complaining and it makes you real. It makes this CSA Idea even more desirable because I know that people really did work hard every day and really did have to deal with real shit, not just the glamorous shit. Good for you and I look forward to all the good, bad, ugly, awful and fabulous that your future holds!
What part of the fairy tale included sheep hoo has and poopy? Bring it on, baby girl.
XXOO
Kris
*De-lurking*
Amen.
I am a regular blog reader and a shareholder and I support you/the farm because throughout my life other (sometimes unknown/un-named) people have helped me. I sounds cliche but we have to take the good with the bad and life’s lessons/beautiful moments don’t only come from good things. ~ksp
NOW we’re getting somewhere!!!! Bring it ON!!!!
It’s so good to have friends who are real friends. I too am looking forward to the “real.” Take care.
The only thing you can’t send over the internet is that wonderful, funky, farmy, sheepy smell. But that’s as real as the rest of it, and I love it.
I thought this might turn out to be one of those weird awful/wonderful things. I am so happy that it did! There is a great energetic buzz from your last post.
Hurrah!!!!! And much love.
And when you do lay it all out for us here on the blog, we’ll STILL think you’re courageous and brave because it takes a lot of gumption to bare your soul to total strangers. Love ya!!!
I don’t think you’re perfect but I still think you’re awesome. You had the courage to do something you dreamed of, sheep poopy and all. That’s not for the faint hearted. You thought outside the box and came up with a yarn CSA, I have no doubt that this current crisis is just one more obstacle you will find a creative way around. So keep us posted about Lucy and all the other farm goings on, the good and the bad. You inspire us all!
What a wonderful friend. So glad you have her to help you laugh and cry and say it’s okay to bring reality to the blog. Now to go read archives.
If you were perfect, you’d be boring
I love reading about you and the farm because of you are imperfect. And real and caring and down to earth and human. That is what makes me come here every day to check in. Because I feel I can relate to you and connect with you. You have no pretense and don’t pretend to be anything but what you are. And for me at least, and I’d guess for many others, you are wonderful.
Blessings to you and everyone on your farm, 2 and 4 legged alike. I hope Lucy is feeling better each day.
Just remember that you started a community here, and real communities pull together through the good times and the bad. If we wanted illusions perfection, we’d just buy copies of Martha Stewart’s magazine and be bored out of our little minds. I doubt that’s what anyone here wants, and I know I don’t!
Sounds like Becky is a very wise woman. You are too (though we all need reminding every now and again.)
Hooray! Everybody needs a Becky to clear the windshield so to speak. You’re very lucky to have her…and she (and we) are very lucky to have you! Acquaintances might just want to settle for sunny days with you, but true friends want to share all the weather
Wait, my last sentence came out all wrong!!! I didn’t mean that WE need to be reminded that YOU are wise! No, all of us forget our own wisdom from time to time, and we need good friends to remind us of that every now and again. I’m glad you have such a good friend to bring a little clarity right now.
Once again, I am going to use my made up word – “Farm-ily.” We are a farm-ily and farm-ilies are supposed to stick together, no matter what. We are here, whenever, whatever!
Hooray for reality! (I mean the real kind, not the reality TV kind). And thank goodness for Becky. Will you keep us posted on Lucy’s health? (I keep thinking of her as “Loose Bug,” b/c we had an old, old cat named Lucy when my son was tiny, and that’s what he called her . . .)
“You will no longer get a sanitized, dolled-up, fairy tale version of farm life when you come here.”
Bravo! Honest, real-life, writing is your forte, and I love that you’re learning and growing through this tough time in life!
I am living my own dream, and I always feel that if I EVER complain, people around me will be like, “Then shut-up, quit, and get a REAL JOB!”
I’m so glad you opened up.
Yes. This. Exactly. You are loved for YOU, not for the totally-together-100%-of-the-time-and-never-has-a-dark-thought-in-all-of-her-existence person you think people see you as, lol. Well, I’m sure some people see you like that, but I fell totally in love with you when you opened up to me. Others do too.
A true friend like that, someone who will laugh at your foolishness, tell you the unvarnished truth and then pass you the tissues, the wine and the chocolate…is a rare and wondrous thing.
Lucy i8s eating – she will be fine.
Attagirl.
Hey Susan – everyone needs a Becky in their life… and a Susan as well
No ‘dolled’ up versions of farm life… just life and emotions as they are.
Sounds like you’re in fighting mode girl….yay.
GOOD. Hell, for most of us women, finding out that another isn’t in fact superwoman, but stressed out and freaked out like the rest of us, and still plugging away and getting through one day to the next is reassuring! And, btw, no one can be courageous without facing fear and uncertainty. It is how we do that that shows our character. Feel free to show yours — we know it is wonderful. Kiss Lucy for me!
I said in my “goat giveaway essay” that I’m constantly surprised, impressed and inspired with the community you’ve created. I’m so happy that you’ve gotten enough donations for the vet bills, and so thrilled that your community is standing by you in tough times. You should be so proud of what you’ve created! From where I sit, I welcome the good, the bad, and the ugly about farming. Please remember that many of your readers, me included, have dreams of having our own flock. I NEED the truth about farming, and so do many people. There is a very romantic and appealing side of farming that is often a facade, and quickly fades when things go wrong. You’re doing us a great service by telling it like it is so we can learn. Hugs, Jen
Your friend is wise indeed, and very good at kick-ass. So glad to hear you’re feeling more optimistic.
Hooray for you! I’m so glad both you and Lucy are on the mend.
“They think I’m great.”
And we’re RIGHT. You are! Bring it on — we can take it.
You will be loved even more for keep’n it real, sister.
Having friends that listen and give good advice is priceless. Love that you used the word “fixin’”!
What would we do without our soul-sisters? I’m glad you have Becky in your life.
And I look forward to hearing more about the real side of what you do.
You are so lucky to have such wonderful friends. Sometimes all it takes is a different perspective on the situation to turn it all around. I’m happy Lucy is doing better.
OH – I forgot to write – I think smoked salmon is great with lots of things – couscous, green onions and smoked salmon sounds yummy!
I read your blog because you’re doing something amazing – but you’re also human. You love and lose and you go on – the way all human beings do. When I look at the pictures of the sheep and Feenut and the dogs from my tiny, crowded cubicle on Wall Street, it transforms me for a moment until someone comes by and says, “What’s with the sheep?!” You wrote the other day that no one is entitled to the life they want. WE MOST CERTAINLY ARE ENTITLED TO THE LIFE WE WANT!! otherwise, why get up in the morning?! Now put a zappy collar on that dog of yours and keep her out of the road (smile). We love you Susie! and Paige and Erin and all the ruminants, quadrapeds, fowl and whatever else you have on that wonderful, wonderful farm of yours.
becky was so right, we know your not perfect. no one is! we just luv you for who you are.
Totally choked up here. I love this post. I want to know the bad as well as the good. I feel so lucky to have discovered you and your flock
I’m happy for you that you have such great friends!
I know that I like to come here and read about everything because it is real, you are real! I still admire you and what you do . You are strong woman and all these problems and issues that are going on and piling up right now will make you even stronger!
You go girl!!!!
We are behind you !
Yay! I want to hear it all…good, bad, sweet, icky, safe & scary.
See, YOUR reality (whatever it is) makes MY reality (whatever it is) seem okay, even if it’s not. Does that make any sense?
I’ve always been able to cope with all kinds of crap as long as I felt connected to others. Bet I’m not alone in that! Your notes to the world about the farm, your life, etc, provide company and commonality to so many people you’ll never know, as well as lots of us you do and will. Silly, sunny stuff can be fun, but the real stuff is GREAT!
Keep it coming…we love it all, and we love you always!
Becky is very wise!!!!
Come on – after getting up close and personal with the hoohas, can you really think that we can’t take a few troubles? And always remember, the money comes and goes, but the people (and animals) you love and who love you will always be there.
This part is even more important than the dressed-up version of the farm. The real, day-to-day problems, their solutions, your frustrations. THAT is the hard work that goes into running a farm like this. Being the owner of a farm is a lot more than the physical work we see you do, it’s figuring out how to run the farm and that’s the joy of a CSA – knowing all that and still wanting to be involved.
The Zen Masters say,”Bad karma is good karma, good karma is bad karma.” I think you are having a little (or maybe a lot) of that.
Susie – I don’t know where you got the idea that the only side you let us see is the sunny one. You’ve always (since I’ve been your friend anyway) showed us the whole thing. Maybe you’ve pulled your punches about how discouraged you get or about exactly how deep it got up in NY, but we got the picture. It’s because you’re transparent and authentic that we all love you and the farm. People can smell a snow job a mile away, and if you had been whitewashing your life, we’d have found out. And bailed. But here we all are! Because we like and admire you and we know you get your share of crap slung your way every day just like us. And you keep going. That encourages US to keep going.
You’re a big part of all of our lives – we are all gifts to each other. Receive. xoxo
Your friend fills the role for you that I have filled for friends in the past. I in turn have my Becky, her name is Amy. The ass-kicking friend who says it like it is has to be the most sacred role a friend can fulfill. I’m glad you have yours.
Yesterday I was telling my husband about poor Lucy, and your explanation that you don’t believe in telling the ugly side on blogs (and counsel others to do the same). I was confused as to why you do that, for the same reason your friend was. Life isn’t all sunshine and roses, and it’s easy for people to envy your life when all they see is puppies and lambs and awesomeness.
Sharing your reality does everyone a good turn. You get the friendship, advice, and support of your community and your readership gets to know that this is a scary, wonderful, backbreaking, risky, amazing life you’ve chosen.
I think everyone wins in the end. Keep your chin up, and know you have a community that is rooting for you, for however much that’s worth. Good on you!
You’ve never been anything but real.
Finding your new equilibrium takes time.
I wanted to add that I know you share the sometimes sad parts, and what I’m trying to say is keep it coming… we can handle it, and you deserve the support. You, and Lucy, are in my thoughts!
Amen.
Farming is wonderful. Farming is hard. I had to shut down my lavender business when a freak ice storm killed all 5 acres of my lavender plants. You just have to take a very deep breath and carry on. Of course, margaritas also help.
I’m sending pink lights to Lucy (pink light contains the most positive energy of all light).
What a wonderful friend and such wise advice! I think we all try to be that “perfect” person to everyone when we really just need to be real. Everyone can relate to that. Thanks for sharing!
It’s national Hug Day. Sending you a Texas sized one… and sending Lucy a gentle one as well.
Oh, and I’m with Joyce: Pink Light, too. It’s the BEST.
‘Bout Damn Time. Love you Goofy Girl Y”K
I’m so glad Lucy is doing better and that you have such wonderful wise friends who give good advice. I say bring on the real. That’s what we’re rooting for!
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