Those of you who’ve been reading my blog for a while know that I have a love/hate relationship with giveaways. On the one hand, I love reading everyone’s entries, even if it’s just the answer to whatever silly question jumped out of my head while I was posting. (I do read all the comments, BTW.) I love that someone wins, and that they never expect to, and that it’s a lovely little surprise that makes them happy for a day or two.

But I hate that everyone doesn’t win, that anybody has to lose. This particular form of empathy is something that came to me sort of recently.

I grew up going to football games every weekend. (I am from Texas after all.) High School games. College games. Cowboys games. Watching Monday night football on television. These days, I love everything about football from the tailgate party before the game to the half time show. And then I start to get anxious. Why? Because someone is about to lose. And I can’t stand that. I can’t stand to think about all those men who’ve tried so hard and been so hopeful going home feeling bad.

I know it’s irrational, but it’s honestly how I feel. So I don’t watch much football anymore.

All of this is by way of saying that I hate that everyone who entered can’t win this giveaway. I hate that anyone is going to be disapppointed when they read this post. Which is why I’ve put off writing it till the last possible moment.

Here’s what you need to know: I believe with all my heart that every single person and family that entered this giveaway would give our goats an amazing home. I defy anyone to read those essays and tell me any different. I know the kind of work that went into writing those entries and into lobbying your friends and families and total strangers for votes. Every one of you deserves to win this, but I am tasked with choosing only one.

I came up with a criteria for evaluating the top 10 essays, hoping to narrow down the field a bit, but darned if all ten finalists didn’t meet all the criteria. So I read all the essays again, looking for something, anything that would help me eliminate a few finalists. Anything that made me uncomfortable or cringe-y. There was nothing.

Erin and I talked about just putting all 10 names in a hat and drawing one at random, but that didn’t feel right either. The awesome people at Sand Creek Post and Beam decided to leave the decision up to me. And I chose…

Kristen Judkins.

Congratulations Kristen! You have won a custom-made run-in shed from Sand Creek Post and Beam and a small flock of angora goats.

And congratulations to everyone who entered this giveaway. If I can stand the pressure we’ll do it again next year. Or maybe the year after that- my heart is gonna need a little time to repair itself.

Thanks to everyone who helped out with the giveaway, especially the amazing Lauria and Laura from Sand Creek Post and Beam. Y’all are amazing.

Several people have emailed me asking if we have any more goats for sale. We don’t right now, but I highly recommend anyone interested in buying goats call Buckwheat Bridge Angoras. Dan and Sara are great, they raise award-winning Angoras and they are absolutely trustworthy. Most of my goat stock has come from Buckwheat Bridge, so you know you’re in good hands.

I’ll be working closely with Kristen to make sure that our goats have a smooth transition and be sure to post pictures and stories once they are settled in.

Kristen’s essay:

As I sit down to write this it is September 11^th and I can’t help but reflect back on that horrid day. I moved to Vermont in May of 2000, so I was no longer living in NYC when the tragedy occurred, instead I was working as a gardener at a lovely Woodstock, VT home. When the news came, I was instantly struck with the thought that had I not shockingly decided to change the direction of my life when I did, I might have been in those ill-fated towers on that very day. In my former life I visited clients in the Towers, and generally worked with them on Tuesdays. But, thanks to my desire for cleaner living, I was safely outdoors, weeding flower beds and getting reports shouted out to me by the household workers as the Towers were struck, burned, and collapsed.

That was a very surreal day; I was sure there was some kind of mistake. It wasn’t until 7 in the evening that I was able to get to a friend’s house to watch the news for myself. I cried my eyes out at the fate of all of those people and the destruction of my fair city, and my worry for the safety of all my friends and colleagues kept me up for many hours that night, staring at the blue screen of my friend’s tv (I didn’t then, and still don’t have television). It was days before I was able to track most of my friends down and begin to calm myself. Looking back now, I realize that the decision that allowed for my escape of that devastating tragedy is the very same one which started me on the road to wanting my own little fiber farm.

In my mid 30s, after spending12 years in NYC, I developed acute asthma, resulting in asthma attacks in which I could not breathe every time I had to catch the subway. This, coupled with a general, creeping unhappiness about how unsustainable and disconnected from the source my life had become, catalyzed a major decision. I knew I had to leave NYC and live somewhere else, someplace with fresh air, mountains and streams. I knew I had to get some land so I could grow my own food, have a little house that would be easy and inexpensive to maintain and, down the road a bit, get some animals to graze my envisioned fields. It was very fortunate that my brother maintained a ski condo in the tiny town of Gaysville, VT near Killington, so when I was packed up and ready to make my move I had a place to go. I got my affairs in order, bought a used pickup truck, adopted a big dog from my local shelter, packed up the truck and took off. I haven’t looked back since.

As I made a new life for myself, I yearned for that special little piece of Vermont heaven to call my own. I spent a few years on the house-sitting circuit, staying in wonderful homes out in the country, caring for dogs, cats, horses, and other critters, and I completely fell in love with Vermont living. During this time I met a wonderful man who shared my vision of a sustainable life, modest home and some land. We were able to find our perfect little piece of heaven, purchased it together and started on fixing up: repairing, planting and simply loving life. Our land is 10 acres on a hillside, with a little brook running along the bottom of it. We have 2 small barns and lots of pasture. Our neighbor’s cows, steers and horses have been grazing our pastures to keep them clear and growing for the last few years, but I’ve always intended to get some grazers of my own.

My first livestock were laying hens, brought home for me by my man on my 40^th birthday. As my little flock of hens grew I loved collecting my eggs every morning and I enjoyed their antics. Chickens are pretty funny creatures, not too smart, but very amusing. Unfortunately, a weasel infiltrated my hen house, so I can’t keep layers until I build a more secure structure for them, a project slated for next summer. In the meantime, I raise pigs and chickens for meat, which I also enjoy. Those animals have the best life they can, enjoying sun, pasture, bugs, etc. And I know that when they do meet their end, they have had full lives, been treated kindly and that I have thanked them and blessed them for their sacrifice for me. I am there to make sure that they are treated humanely right until the very last breath, which is very important to me. I made an attempt at vegetarianism a few years ago, to avoid this part of the self-sustaining lifestyle, but was so sick for so long that my doctor recommended I go back to eating meat. I decided that if I was going to eat meat, I needed to raise my own so that I would know exactly where it came from, what it ate, and how it was cared for.

As fulfilling as raising pigs and chickens is, come the latter part of fall when the freezer is full and the equipment has been put away for the season, I miss the morning and evening chores, despite the dark and cold of winter’s many days. I yearn for animals that I can really develop an ongoing relationship with, that can be cared for and nurtured long-term, that can grow with me, and I with them.

Last winter, to complement my normal knitting-like-a-banshee activities over the long cold months, I took up spinning. I was instantly smitten and started collecting wool: beautiful dyed & prepped rovings, raw fleeces, mohair, alpaca—even bunny fur and a few friends’ dog brushings! I soon discovered that I really like working with raw fleece. So that really got me thinking that it’s time for sheep or goats to come live with us.

For the last few years, my husband and I have had a running debate about the benefits of goats vs. sheep. He’s been pushing for goats as they could help us clear some brushy areas and improve our pastures, in addition to providing fantastic fiber, while I was leaning a bit toward sheep. (Also, my DH thinks goats are more fun than sheep.) But this summer I spent time with a flock of angora goats at a friend’s farm and have been completely won over! I now agree with my DH that goats are our number-one priority. Goats have such winning personalities and that cuteness factor, my sheep-leanings didn’t stand a chance. I found the goats to be much friendlier than the Romney sheep at the same farm and was drawn back to play with the goats over and over. The fact that they have such wonderful fiber is just a bonus. All summer I’ve been having fantasies of a little flock of goats outside my windows (with maybe a few Finn sheep in there too.)

So, when I heard about your contest, I decided to give it some serious thought, research, more thought, more research, some soul searching and more thought. I discovered that my two biggest fears—not being able to find feed for the goats all winter and not having the flexibility to tend to their health issues as need arose—are groundless. At lunch with my boss a couple of days ago I found a ton of support and a guaranteed supply of hay! Although it’s been a tough year for hay in these parts, due to the rainy summer, my boss just stored a few hundred bales of it in his barn and will hold it there for me, ensuring a steady supply for my goats. He also reminded me that he is a farm equipment dealer so I have total access to any machinery that I might need, including post hole diggers for fencing. To top that off, he said he would be completely understanding of any emergency time away that I might need because, of course, when you have livestock stuff sometimes happens and you need to tend to them immediately. (I love my boss, he’s an incredibly kind and generous man.)

Then I thought about herd health. Being a total beginner with goats I worried that they might have some health problem that I couldn’t handle alone but, again, Serendipity stepped in with the answer to my fears. In a chance meeting with a neighbor on the same day I had lunch with my boss, I was introduced to a wonderful local vet with years of experience caring for goats, sheep and ruminants of all kinds. He would be happy to take my animals on as patients and he makes house calls. So, my two major concerns were taken care of, just like that, in one afternoon.

Over the years lots of friends and family have come to me for advice about life changes and the one thing I always tell them in the face of their worry, fear or excitement is this: jump and the net will appear. If you are following your dreams, and your dreams don’t harm anyone, and you are driven from a real and true place in your heart the universe will always provide what you need, when you need it. When I stop and really pay attention to my life, that theory has proven itself correct over and over, and I must remember to trust in that.

And so, I am now trying to follow my own advice, and trust in the universe and in myself. I know that I have an incredible amount to learn, but I am willing to invest the effort and the time to make a good home for these wonderful creatures. To finally have a long-term relationship with them will be a wonderful balm for my heart and soul. To watch them in my pastures, turning my brush and grass into lovely lustrous fiber that I can play with, spin, and create useful items from, is a great joy that I want to bask in. I want to be the person that they run to, play with and trust. Yup, I’m head over heels for goats now and I can’t wait to bring home some wonderful new friends. I would welcome your goats to my farm, my home and my life. I would shower them with affection and love, and provide them with the best possible life, good pasture, good browse, clean water and clean air. I feel prepared to take on the responsibility of these beautiful creatures, now that I have located a source for hay, for medical attention if and when needed, local shepherds that will mentor me and most importantly, the support of my husband. I would truly be honored to be the recipient of your amazing generosity.