This is an actual conversation I had with the stranger that came to my door on Saturday afternoon. While reading this, try to imagine my small, enraged, batshit-insane Chihuahua barking incessantly throughout the conversation.
Background: I live in a small condo complex on Martha’s Vineyard where I am one of only three year-round residents. Most of my neighbors spend a week or two on the Vineyard every summer and rent their units by the week the rest of the time for $1500-2000/week.
WOMAN: Hi, I’m renting your neighbor’s house, unit 6.
ME, HOLDING THE AFOREMENTIONED ENRAGED DOG: Uh, hi.
WOMAN TO DOG, SPEAKING BABY TALK: You’re not very nice are you? No your not. No your not. You aren’t very nice at all.
ME: Yeah, um, he doesn’t like strangers.
WOMAN: Anyway, I’m renting unit 6 this week and the pool is full of dead caterpillars.
ME: Excuse me?
WOMAN, SPEAKING SLOWLY: The pool is full of dead caterpillars. They’re all over the bottom of the pool. It needs to be cleaned.
ME, NOT UNDERSTANDING: Yes, it’s really sad.
WOMAN: So could you call someone? The pool service or whoever?
ME: Um, no, I don’t have a number for the pool service. Maybe you should call the people you’re renting from. They’re really nice and I’m sure they’ll take care of it.
WOMAN: I don’t want to bother them at home. So you don’t have a number?
ME: No. I don’t.
WOMAN: You have no way of getting in touch with them?
ME: No. I don’t.
WOMAN: Are you saying you don’t use the pool?
ME: Well, yeah, actually I don’t.
WOMAN, SARCASTICALLY: You don’t use the pool?
ME: Um, no, not really. I go to the beach sometimes. You know, to swim. In the ocean. But I really don’t use the pool.
WOMAN: So you’re telling me you have no way to get in touch with the pool service.
ME: No. I don’t. Really, I’m sure if you call the people you are renting from, they’ll take care of it for you.
WOMAN: I don’t want to bother them at home. They aren’t even proper caterpillars.
ME: Excuse me?
WOMAN: The caterpillars in the pool. They aren’t real caterpillars, not the kind that butterflies come from.
ME: I’m pretty sure they are real caterpillars.
WOMAN: So you won’t call the pool service?
ME: I have no idea how to get in touch with the pool service. Honestly. I don’t.
WOMAN: It seems like you would but if you say you don’t, fine.
Erin has a theory that tourists coming to Martha’s Vineyard think the entire Island is an all-inclusive resort and that we, the residents, are all staff. The woman in unit 6 has inspired us to make t-shirts with a map of the Island on the front and “Staff” on the back.
I. Attract. Crazy. People.
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My first thought was, but it’s OK to bother you at home… WOW!
If you spent any time working in any kind of customer service this would have been very familiar. People asking for the number for the office tower next door, for directions to all sorts of places, for use of the phone/fax/computer, for information about where to buy some completely random thing, and so on… I often wonder how people manage to live their lives when they can’t seem to deal with the simplest problem on their own. I suppose the answer is that they have someone for that…
Hi .
I live outside of Hilton Head SC, and around here alot of people wear tee shirts that say “LOCAL” for obvious reasons!
Wendy
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